Kasey And The Witch
by Dear Marley
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin. The Tamtam Forest's temperamental Witch lived a peaceful life away from humans, until the local farmer starts nosing in her business. T for language and a pervert of a narrator.
1. The Green Bell

**Author's Note: **Kasey = Yuuki. Rumor has it that's his tentative American name. I don't really like it, but when I write stories, canon rules. Would've used the Japanese name, but I feel Japanese names in English stories break flow. And if I'd named him something I came up with, no one would know who I was talking about, even further down the road. So I'm going with Kasey for now, and if it changes later on in the actual release, I'll just use a search-and-replace and replace the documents.

Finn is spelled with two 'n's in the American version. I know from the screenshots.

For those of you who don't know about Animal Parade, it has a different witch. So before you jump in about the lack of teddy bears in the house, or say the witch doesn't wear a sexy corset, go look up the Animal Parade/Exciting Animal March Witch.

I'll shut up now. Here goes the story.

-----------------------------

A swamp.

In the middle of a forest.

Fine place for a swamp, I suppose. I blinked a couple of times; my eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the Tamtam Forest. Well... it wasn't just a swamp. A rickety old bridge connected the place I stood to a small, lonely island opposite side of a ring-shaped moat, the edges of which were coated with moss and algae. The heavy air smelled strangely of summer rain and eggs on the brink of expiration. And right in the middle of the island was a little round house with a pink roof and matching mailbox. The house seemed to be attached to a hollow tree filled with old junk. "This is the place!" Finn chirped. "Miss Witch must be in her house."

"Miss Witch? What makes her so special that she gets a title?"

"You haven't met her yet."

I crept across the rickety bridge, trying futilely not to squeak. "Shh!" Finn hissed. "Miss Witch might get angry if she knows humans are on her property!"

"Well then why the hell are we here?!" I whispered at the top of my whisper-lungs.

"The bell, remember?" he reminded me. "We're here to get the green bell!"

"Ohh... yeah."

"Geez, Kasey, pay attention. It's bad enough when you don't remember to bathe."

"Oh, that was one time! The hot spring wasn't working!"

"Yeah, for a whole week? I don't think so. Don't even pretend working in the barn doesn't make you smell. I know. I have to follow you everywhere."

"Oh, yeah?!" I shouted. _Yeah... yeah... yeah..._ I just yelled in a forest inhabited by an angry witch, if Finn was to be believed. "Well you're just a half-size, sixth-ranger momma's boy of a Harvest Sprite!"

Finn's tiny face sunk. "I am not a momma's boy."

"Then why does the Harvest Goddess cradle you like a baby when you start worrying too much, huh?"

"S-she just loves me..."

_CRASH!_ Our argument was interrupted by a loud sound from inside the Witch's house. "Come on! Let's go look and see what that was."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Do you always have to go looking for trouble?"

"Heey, I don't look for trouble! Trouble is just attracted to me. Must be my awesome hair."

Finn sighed. "Please be respectful to Miss Witch."

"Aw, when have I shown anything but the utmost respect?" I looked at Finn. He had his diminutive hand splayed across the middle of his face, and he shook his head in exasperation. I approached the house and wiped a little spot of condensation from the fogged-up window with my jacket sleeve and peeked through. Inside was a silver-haired woman with bright orange eyes wearing a mantle over her shoulders, a pair of poofy shorts, a pointy hat, and a very... _uplifting_ corset. Didn't leave much to the imagination, but I wasn't about to be the square who'd complain about that! And I was afraid the Witch would be some old lady with a big wart on her nose! No, she was one of those _sexy_ witches.

Oh, and there was a guy, too. Some guy with a braid and fancy robes. Fruitcake. The witch seemed angry at the man, but it didn't seem to phase him. If I tuned out the din of nearby insects, their conversation came through the window surprisingly clearly.

"How DARE you?! What the hell is your problem?!" the witch screamed.

"Miss Witch... it was an accident..." the man replied. "Just a spell... gone awry..." He talked slowly, but he didn't seem nervous.

"An ACCIDENT?!" The witch was a different story. She yelled and screamed at the man, waving her arms and stomping her clacky shoes. "I was a pink frog! Do you know how difficult it is to cook with those webby little suction-cup fingers?! And pink! Frogs aren't pink! Why I oughta..."

"Miss Witch, frogs eat flies. You could've very well eaten flies."

"By themselves?! Like HELL! Gale, have you ever taken one of those... gee, I dunno, what kinda spices do you have in your fancy town life?"

"Spices? Like... curry powder?"

"Yeah! Curry powder! Have you ever taken a handful of curry powder and just eaten it on its own?"

".........No."

"Well, that's what eating flies would be like!"

"...It's sustenance."

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" the witch stomped her foot, got up in the man's face, and pointed at the door.

The man made the first discernible facial expression I could see; he raised the eyebrow that wasn't covered by hair. "...Very well." He turned toward the door. I ducked out of sight.

"And STAY OUT!" The door opened and the man in the robe walked through, carefully turning the knob and quietly closing the door behind him.

"......Hello... uh, I don't believe we've met."

I was pressed against the wall of the house, hoping to go unnoticed. "I'm Kasey," I said. "Who are you?"

"I'm a wizard..." he said, gazing off into space.

"So, you're name's Gale, right?"

"Who told you that?" he demanded, raising his voice about a decibel.

"Oh, well, I heard the witch--"

"That's Madam Witch to the likes of you." he interrupted.

I stuck out my tongue and waved my fingers, mocking Gale. "Meeeh, sorry, _Queen Empress Lady Madam Witch-sama _called you that. Figured it must be your name."

"Well it is.... but if you tell anyone..."

"What'll happen? Gonna turn me into a newt? Oooh, spare me, great Wizard!"

"...I'm well capable." he said. And with that, he walked off.

"'I'm well capable,' myeh myeh myeh," I mocked to myself. "Geez, what a phony baloney. I bet you've got more magical power in your teeny little body than he does, Finn."

"Uhh... can we get the bell now?" Finn sighed.

"Okay, okay, we're going." I knocked on the door. _Tap tap_.

The door flew open. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME-- Oh... who the hell are you?!"

"My name's, um, Kasey." I sputtered.

"Um, Kasey, hm? Never seen you here before. What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"Well, it's not really a neck... it's more of a clearing." What the hell? Why am I running my mouth? This is Queen Empress Lady Madam Sexy Witch-sama. She doesn't care.

"You make one more pun like that and I feed you to the hippo in the swamp. Now what are you doing here, Um, Kasey?"

"Actually, it's Kasey. Just Kasey."

"Well, KaseyJustKasey, what do you want?!"

"Kasey, ma'am. My name is Kasey."

"Oh, geez, now you're confusing me. Look, tell me what you want or get out of here!"

"Do you know anything about a green bell?"

She thought for a minute, contorting her long silver eyebrows into all kinds of squiggles. "As a matter of fact, I do!" I did a silent fist-pump. Yes! "Well you can't expect me to just _give_ it to you. What have you got? Come on, let's see what's in that big backpack of yours. I'll trade you for it."

"Well, I've got..." I started emptying my rucksack. "A hammer... an axe..."

"I've got my own."

"Forty-six common mushrooms..."

"No kidding."

"Two blueberries..."

"Nothing special."

"A watering can..."

"I live in a swamp, what would I do with that?"

"Five bars of gold..."

"What are you doing walking around with that kinda loot?"

"You want it?"

"Nah, I've got no use for it."

"Fine. Two green herbs..."

"Kinda useful, but not Bell-worthy."

"Well... all I've got left is this weird, sparkly pink-and-purple mushroom I found on the way over here."

"A Tamtam Mushroom?" Her orange eyes lit up.

"I guess... is it?" I held up the mushroom and rotated it, as if I were looking for some kind of label.

"Yeah! I'll take it!"

"Really? Waaaaiiit... is this thing super-valuable?"

Suddenly my vision was blocked by a little orange blob. "Kasey!" Finn reprimanded me. "You're going to throw away the wellness of the island just to make a quick buck?"

"Hey, my house wasn't free, you know," I pointed out.

"I'm sure it wasn't," the witch replied. Oh, yeah. She can't see Finn. What was it that the Harvest Goddess said, only the young at heart could see the Harvest Sprites? That couldn't be right. The pure at heart? Don't think so; I have no trouble seeing them. Maybe it's a genetic thing. I wonder if-- "Hey!" the witch shouted, interrupting my train of thought. "It's not worth much, if you _have_ to know. It's just useful for potions and stuff. Humans like you have no real use for 'em. So, you gonna trade or not?"

"Uh..."

"You're not actually _thinking_ about it, are you?" Finn shouted, drawing closer to my face. I leaned back a bit.

"Sure," I said.

"Why're you leaning back like that? What, do I smell, or something?"

"Oh, no, not at all, Madam Witch! You, uh... you smell like..." What do girls aspire to smell like? Moreover... what do _witches_ aspire to smell like? "...Warts." _What?!_ What the hell just came out of my mouth?!

"Warts? What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded of me, leaning closer to my face. Ohh, and I could hardly see the actual corset anymore, my line of sight was split between Finn and a lovely, pale, round pair of-- "Hey! Spacecase McLecherboy! You gonna trade or not?!"

"I-- I-- I-- Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll do it," I sputtered.

"Great!" The witch's disposition immediately flipped; she snapped back and stood up straight, and a cute grin plastered its way onto her face. Fantastic, a _bipolar_ sexy witch! "I'll go get the bell!"

"Okay, great, uh, you go get the bell," I muttered, leaning on the table with my left arm as she slinked off to the other side of the house to get the bell.

"What is wrong with you!?" Finn squeaked. "Did the last remaining bit of your brain fall into the swamp? You're not even forming sentences!"

"Well, you know... she's wearing that tight, revealing corset, and she's leaning forward and, you know, right in my face, those round, beautiful..."

"Kasey, you pervert!" Finn yelled. I felt a tiny sting on my face.

"Ow, Finn, did you just slap me?"

"Of course I did! We're here to save the island, not to indulge in your perverted fantasies! Besides, don't you have a girlfriend?"

"I do?"

"Kathy!?"

"Yeah, what about her?"

"Didn't you go on a date yesterday?"

"Well, yeah, but, I mean, that was just as friends..."

"She likes you! And I've seen how you look at her..." Well, he did have a point. Kathy was a girl from in town. She was a waitress at the bar. I went to the bar most every night. Every time I went there, I'd get an apple cocktail. Eventually, Kathy got used to it and would give me an apple cocktail and a table every time I walked in. Soon we started talking every time I walked in and before I knew it, we were going out on dates. I'm not going to lie, I had quite the thing for her. She was sexy and independent... she liked horses. I remember--

"Here it is~!" the witch interrupted my thoughts. She had a habit of doing that, it seemed. "It was buried in my stuff, but I found it! This is what you want, right?"

I took a glance at Finn to make sure. He nodded. "Yeah, that's it!"

"Then here it is, and I'll take your mushroom." She snatched the Tamtam Mushroom and put it on her shelf. "And, uh, you can be on your way now."

"What, I can't stay and chat?" I asked.

"I've got a lot of magic to catch up on. But, uh... if you want to traverse the whole forest again, you can come out if you really want to. But bring something with you! I'm running low on jam."

Jam? Like cooked fruit in a jar? What does a magic casting witch need with fruit paste? "I'll be back, Madam Witch. You can count on it."


	2. Blackberry Jam

"So it's jam she wants, huh?" I thought aloud.

"Kasey," Finn yawned, "It's six in the morning. You've got chores to do before you can go visiting anyone."

"Chores, schmores," I dismissed Finn, flicking my hand all about his flying space. "There's a sexy witch in the forest who wants jam. My tomatoes can wait."

"It's going to take you hours to get all the way out to Miss Witch's house and back!" he protested. "I won't let you. You're going to do your chores before you go anywhere." I faked a defeated look. Finn smiled smugly. "And you know what else you're going to do today? You're going to visit Kathy! And you'll _like it_!"

"I could just leave without you."

"I'll follow you."

"I'll stick you to the wall with honey."

"Fine! We'll visit Miss Witch. Do you even know what kind of jam she likes?"

"Nope!" I proudly admitted. "I have no idea! But I'll bet it's made of fruit."

Finn spread his tiny palm across his face. "You're not going to make it out of tomatoes, are you?"

"Finn, don't be ridiculous! Tomatoes aren't fruits. They're vegetables!"

"No, Kasey," he said, shaking his head. "Tomatoes are fruits."

I was _not_ about to stand there and be condescended by a tiny, sparkly fairy in pajamas. "Aw, what do you know? I'm the farmer here, I think I know the difference between a fruit and a vegetable."

"Cucumbers?" he quizzed.

"Vegetables."

"Avocados?"

"Vegetables!"

"Peppers?"

"Ve-jee-tables."

"Pickles?"

"Those are synthetic foodstuffs created from scratch in factories. Which makes them sweets!"

"You know _nothing_. Look, there are plenty of wild berries around your district. Why don't we go look for some of those?"

"Oh, alright," I said, heading outside.

---

"Well, we found two raspberry clusters and two blackberry clusters," Finn assessed. "That's enough to make one jar of jam for each fl-- Kasey, what are you doing?"

I hid the raspberry cluster I was snacking on behind my back. "Nothing! Nothing at all!" I said.

"Riiight. Well, there's enough for one-- where'd the other raspberry cluster go?"

"Uh... Percy ate it," I said, pointing at my pet black cat.

"Percy!" Finn exclaimed. "Did you eat the raspberry cluster?" Percy looked at Finn, confused. "Mmhm! And did you use the juice to put that dark red stain on Kasey's lip?" ...Oops. "That was for the jam, you idiot! God, sometimes I wonder why I follow you around all the time."

"'Cause the goddess told you to?"

"Right."

"Well... we still have enough to make blackberry jam, don't we?" I said. "And in my defense, these are really tasty raspberries," I said, popping another one in my mouth.

"Stop that," Finn demanded, slapping the raspberry out of my hand. "Now go make the jam."

---

_Tap tap_.

"You're not just gonna barge in?" Finn asked.

"No, no, no, no, no. This is... well, this is Madam Witch! You gotta be classy." I stuck up my little pinky finger -- 'cause that's class.

"You're about as classy as a pregnant hippopotamus," Finn said, crossing his arms.

"Hey!" I yelled. "Pregnant? Why you little--"

"Am I interrupting something...?" a barely familiar, lyrical, high-pitched voice sang. "Or can you and yourself have this lovely chat some other time?"

I froze in mid-reach for Finn. "Ah... no, I'm just, uh..." Nice going, genius, she thinks you're crazy now. "Er... this is for you." I extended my arms with the jam toward her. "You, uh... said you wanted jam, and I didn't know what you liked... all I had was blackberries."

"Well we would have had raspberries, but--" I cast a fleeting angry glance at Finn. He shut his mouth.

The witch's bright orange eyes were sparkling. "Yay~, this is gonna be delicious!" she said, snatching the jam and running inside. "Well, come on in," she said. "Nobody likes sandwiches when all they can smell are eggs!"

Sandwich? "Uh, okay," I replied, cautiously stepping through the doorway.

"Have a seat, make yourself at home!" she invited. I inched toward a seat. "Come on, don't be shy! Sit down before I change my mind, now!"

"Madam Witch... you only have one chair."

"Oh, don't be so formal, silly!" she said. She looked at me and winked. "Just call me Witch. And it's okay; we can eat our sandwiches on the floor. It'll be like a picnic!"

God, this woman was impossible. One day, she shoos me from her house, and the next, I could swear she was flirting with me. "Uh... okay... Witch..." I sat cross-legged on the floor.

She paused, and put one finger to the tip of her nose, raising an eyebrow. "Mm, you know what, that sounds weird. It's like you're insulting me. Let's go with 'Miss Witch'."

"Okay... Miss Witch." Crazypants. Shorts. Whatever. "What's with her?" I whispered to Finn. "Is she always this bipolar?"

"I don't know," Finn admitted. "We've never really met."

"Aaah~! Here we are!" the Witch sang, bringing two sandwiches to where I was sitting. "Hope you like peanut butter and blackberry jam as much as I do." She handed me the sandwich and took a bite of her own. "Mm! This is delicious! Try it, I swear I didn't put anything weird in it... well, maybe a little something."

A little something?! What exactly did a Witch consider 'kicking it up a notch'? "Uh... what's in it?"

"Your jam, peanut butter, bread, and a little bit of ground lizard's tail." OH MY GOD. "I find it adds a little bit of a salty taste to the sandwich, but less so than if you added actual salt... go on, try it!"

"Uhhh, no, that's okay... in fact... I've, uh... I've got a lot of chores to do, so I really should be going..."

"Oh," she said, her chipper mood crashing through the floor. "Well, that's okay. I've got some stuff I need to do around here, too... oh, but take the sandwich with you, in case you get hungry later."

"Um, no, that's okay," I insisted. "I've got food at the house. Enjoy the jam, though."

"Oh, I will," she said.

"Well... bye, then," I said, hastily inching toward the door.

"You don't have to come back out here, if you don't want to... I understand, if it's too long of a trip, or something."

Before I could answer, I had the door shut behind me and was heading away. "Kasey, come look," Finn called after me. He was at the Witch's window.

"What?" I asked. I looked through the window. The Witch had a broom out, sweeping the floors. She stopped for a moment and rested her pale hand on the top of the broom, gazing at the door. Her other hand rose up to wipe her face, right below her eye. "Is she crying?" I thought aloud.

"I think so," Finn answered. Did I upset her? What had I done? "It must get lonely for her, living all the way out here in the middle of the forest."

"Yeah..." I sighed and headed back to the swamp entrance.

"You know, she may be a witch, but she has feelings! You're not going to tell her you're sorry?!" Finn shouted.

"No," I replied. "I'm going to look for more blackberries."


	3. Ice Cream Social

_Tap tap_.

Come on, answer the door. Ice cream melts.

The door creaked open and the Witch stood in the doorway, rubbing her eye. "Mmmm... Kasey?" she muttered groggily.

"Um, is this a bad time?" I asked.

"Kasey!" she repeated, more enthusiastically. "Well... you're persistent, aren't you?" She wiped all traces of excitement from her face.

"Well, yeah..."

"I didn't scare you off, with the lizard's tail and the 'genki weirdo happy chick' act?"

"No, no..." I said. Well, that was a lie. The lizard's tail scared me off. But if she wasn't actually going to appreciate my visits, she could just forget it. "I just had a lot of work to do. But, I have less work to do today, so... I guess I can stay a while, if you want."

"Hm. Maybe you're worth having around," she said. "Well, come in, sorry if it's kind of a mess..." She turned around and headed toward the table.

I took one step and instantly tripped over something that felt like a pumpkin. The ice cream I was holding went flying across the room and landed cream-down on an empty spot of floor. "What was that?" she asked.

"Um, I brought you ice cream... but it's on your floor now."

"Is it?" She turned her head toward me and smiled a cocky half-smile.

I pointed to where the ice cream had fallen. "Yeah, it's right th--" But it wasn't there. The ice cream was on her table in front of her one chair, the two-pronged candle holder that usually rested there conspicuously absent. I scrambled to my feet. "No, I swear, it was on the floor, completely ruined!"

"Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't," she sang, turning back around and carelessly waving her dainty hand next to her head.

"Wh-what?!" I yelled. "What just happened?!"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm a _witch_, stupid. Did you forget?"

"Oh." Did she just call me stupid? I had to ask myself again what I was getting myself into.

I looked around the house. Junk covered half the floor; my mother would've said that it looked like an elephant threw up. Everything from tools to seashells to the pumpkin I had tripped over littered the wooden floor; there were some areas of the house where the floorboards weren't even visible. "Sorry for the mess," she apologized. "I was reorganizing. After I was... well, incapacitated for a while, I had no idea how I'd had all my things sorted."

"Do you use all this stuff?" I asked, my eyes focusing on a bright pink seashell that lay on the floor.

"I did at some point," she said dismissively. "I'm kind of a packrat, but I prefer the term 'collector'."

"Yeah, no kidding," I muttered.

"Hey, if it bothers you, come over another time, you can help me organize it all. Anyway, thanks for the ice cream," she said. "I was just about to ask you if you had any; I've been craving blackberry ice cream something fierce. It's so hot in here," she complained, sitting down to eat the ice cream.

"Then why don't you go somewhere with air conditioning?" I suggested.

She froze and slowly turned her deadpan stare toward me. "You're suggesting I leave this house."

"Well..."

"And go somewhere else."

"...Sure?"

"Somewhere that's obviously full of people, because it's got air conditioning."

"Umm..."

"And what do you expect me to _do_ in such a place? Socialize?"

"Y... yeah?" I could feel the wrath of the upcoming explanation already.

But she just rolled her eyes. "I don't _socialize_."

"Well... why not?" I asked. At this point, I was just asking for trouble.

But there was no explosion. "Spoon, spoon... where do I keep the spoons..." She flitted about her house, opening drawers and cabinets and poking her head inside.

"Miss--"

"Ah~!" she squeaked, holding up an antique metal spoon. "Spoon!"

"Uh, Miss Witch..."

"Yes?" she said, sitting down to eat the ice cream.

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"What question?"

"Why don't you socialize?"

"Oh... no."

"...Why not?"

"Mmm... don't think I'm gonna answer that one, either."

"Well, why--" I stopped myself before the conversation got cyclical, thinking that would probably tick her off. "Uh, so.. how's the ice cream?"

"I haven't tried it yet," she seethed. "I've been too busy answering your stupid questions."

"Sorry, Miss Witch," I apologized, bowing for emphasis.

"Yeah, yeah, can it so I can eat my ice cream."

All I saw was a flash of orange before the onslaught of screeches began. "You little bitch!" Finn yelled. "I know Kasey does some stupid things, but he didn't do anything to you! All he did was come in here and bring you ice cream, and you think you have the right to be Little Miss Rudeypants?! How _dare_ you!"

"Finn... she can't hear you," I whispered.

"Mm! This is amazing!" the witch squealed. "You've put fish scales in this, haven't you?" Um, _ew_.

"I don't remember doing that..."

"OH don't be ridiculous! Nothing brings out the tang of blackberries quite like scales! And lookit!" She held a spoonful up to the light. "It's shiny." She was right; it had an unnaturally iridescent shine to it, like someone had pumped it with microscopic glitter.

"Finn!" I whispered.

Finn flew up to me, a smug smile on his tiny face. "Yeeeees?"

"Did you put fish scales in this?"

His smile widened. "Maaaaaaybe."

"Where'd you get fish scales?!"

"You keep fish in the tool box. And to be honest, they were starting to stink up the place."

"Hey!" I yelled.

"What?!" the witch responded.

"Um, I, uh..." Good job, genius. "Before you dig into that..." I slipped off my rucksack and started rifling through it. Something in here had to work as an excuse for my stupid interjection. Mushrooms? No. Herbs? No. A sickle? _NO_. Chocolate... "I brought you a chocolate bar... you know, in case you like chocolate with your ice cream."

"Chocolate and blackberry ice cream?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Don't be stupid, Kasey. That would be horrible."

I will never understand this woman.

--

So this is mostly filler, and my getting the witch's character back on track. xD I had this part left half-finished and I really wanted to finish it... sorry if it seems a little rushed.


End file.
